You Know You’re a Horse Person When…
…you think nothing of showing up at the grocery store in sweat pants and muck boots with a hair full of hay just to buy baby diapers and duct tape to doctor your horse.
…you get boxed in behind a slow driver on the freeway and find yourself clucking at them to go faster.
…you go to pass someone in a narrow space and you poke the in the ribs with your thumb and cluck or say “over.”
…you say “whoa” to your dog, kids, and/or significant other.
…you can’t find a single pair of jeans without hay or peppermints in the pockets even after they’ve been through the laundry.
…you just don’t notice barn smells anymore.
…you no longer obsess over washing hands before eating because anyone who’s been to a horse show knows that’s a losing battle. Just a little extra protein in the diet…among other things. Don’t ask don’t tell.
…you take it as a personal insult when you see faux western or faux English riding boots being worn as fashion accessories.
…your dream car is “a truck big enough to pull my trailer.”
…your dream vacation is “camping with my horse on a beach.”
…you don’t blink when people insult you, but God help anyone who insults your horse.
…you don’t understand why people look at you funny for having a riding crop and a bunch of leather in the back seat of your car.
…your car constantly smells like hay, leather, and horse sweat.
…you approach difficult people with the mentality of every good horse trainer (make the wrong thing hard and the right thing easy) then wonder why everyone accuses you of being manipulative.
…you couldn’t remember names if your life depended on it, but you can remember horses just fine. So everyone is “Oscar’s rider,” “Buddy’s mom,” “that chick on the chestnut mare with the bald face,” etc.
…your friends stop asking you if you can hang out Friday night because your answer is always “No, sorry. I’ve got a horse show/trail ride/horse camping trip/horse clinic/etc this weekend.”
…your trainer is number 1 on your speed dial and the vet is number 2.
…your horse is always the first one to be told any big news.
…you would rather spend the evening with your horse practicing your side pass than going out clubbing with friends.
…you can have an intelligent conversation about sheath and teat cleaning while maintaining a straight face.
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